


catch me as i stumble down

by wwwjudedotcom



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:35:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26568898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wwwjudedotcom/pseuds/wwwjudedotcom
Summary: Alex writes a list for Michael, and Michael writes one back.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 24
Kudos: 94





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Previously titled Lists, but since I'm writing more, it felt right to change it. 
> 
> New title is from the song Ode to Artifice by Samia (she's brilliant).

Alex knew he wouldn’t be able to talk to Michael. He knew he would be interrupted, or yelled at, or break down. So he did what he always did: wrote a list. He didn’t knock on the door of the airstream. He didn’t text Michael that he had something to give him. He just drove to the junkyard, taped the letter to the airstream, and walked away before Michael had the chance to catch him. The list went something like this: 

Michael, 

1\. I love you. 

2\. I love you. 

3\. I love you.

4\. Three times is not enough, but I don’t think any number of times is enough. 

5\. I have always and will always love you. You know that, don’t you? Deep down, I know you know that. 

6\. I have to fix myself before we start anything.

7\. I don’t know if you know this, and I have not told anyone, but I am not okay. There are so many things I have to deal with before I am ready to be back in your orbit. And I am so sorry for that. I am so sorry I cannot be who you need me to be right now.

8\. I promise the second I figure things out, I will be outside your door. I will be kissing you until we can’t feel our lips. I will be holding you all night long. I will be so close to you that you will be sick of me. I promise you. 

9\. My brain still wakes me up in the middle of the night thinking I am halfway around the world in a war that I’m no longer in. I cannot remember the last time I slept more than three hours in a row. 

10\. My brain also tells me I have two legs, and that might be worse than the nightmares. I have to get used to it.

11\. I don’t know how I’ll ever be okay, but I know I have to be. And I want to be okay. 

12\. I will be okay. And as soon as I am, I am going to be yours. 

13\. I am already yours anyways. 

Love, Alex 

Alex was expecting a lot of things: Michael not saying anything, but looking at Alex like he had read the letter. That’s what Alex thought would happen, that they would communicate in looks instead of words. Maybe he would get a text saying he read the letter, maybe not. Maybe Michael would ignore the letter, not read it at all; maybe the letter never made it to him in the first place. Alex was not expecting Michael to write a list and leave it sticking out from the doormat at his cabin. He bent down to grab it and immediately recognized the handwriting. 

Alex, Alex, Alex,

1\. I love you.

2\. I love you.

3\. I love you.

4\. Three times is not enough, I agree. 

5\. I know you love me, I know it in my bones, in my blood. Every part of me knows you love me and yet I still can not describe how much that means. 

6\. You are not broken, but I understand anyways. I know you are not ready, I don’t know if I am either. I appreciate your honesty, your directness. I love it the same way I love you. 

7\. Never be sorry. Never, not for this. I should be the one saying sorry. Sorry my orbit drags you down, makes you feel not okay. I am so sorry that I cannot help. I am so sorry my orbit is not your safe space because you are mine. I am so sorry that you feel like you have to be someone else with me. You don’t. You can come to me exactly as you are and I will always love you. I don’t need you to be anyone other than exactly who you are.

8\. I will wait and hold you to your promise. 

9\. I do not sleep either. If you feel like calling me when this happens, you can. I will answer no matter what time it is. For you I will answer. 

10\. I do not know how to respond to this. I will say that you are the bravest person I know. That if anyone can get through this, it’s you. And I know these words don’t mean much, but they’re all I have. I love you, no matter how many legs you have. And you will get through this. 

11\. You will be okay, I promise. Even if you don’t believe me, I know it. I know it the same way I know you love me. I feel it in my soul. 

12\. I will wait. I will wait as long as you need me to. But know I am here in the meantime. Even if we can’t be together, I will be here for you in any way you will have me.

13\. I am yours, I am yours, I am yours.

Love, Michael


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A second round of lists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be at least three chapters! However, I'm indecisive (this is not new news) so it could end up being more depending on how I feel about the ending.

After Alex read Michael’s letter, he didn’t know what to think. His initial reaction was surprise that Michael had taken the time to form a response to his emotional vomit on paper. His second reaction was to write another list in response. He focused on Michael saying sorry, sorry for not being his safe space. Even though deep down Alex thought he was his safe space. He thought Michael knew. He hoped he knew. Alex wasn’t sure he would be able to handle it if Michael didn’t know. 

Michael,

1\. I love you. I’m always starting these lists with I love you. 

2\. You should not be sorry. I mean at some point you probably should be sorry, but not now and definitely not for this. Sorry’s are too heavy to give away for something you didn’t do. If you keep saying sorry for everything, there will be nothing left for when you really need to apologize. 

3\. You make me feel more than okay. You always have, ever since high school. You always knew exactly what to say, what to do to make me feel better. You do not drag me down. It is my own brain doing that, not you, never you.

4\. You are my safe space, always. I thought you knew that. You need to know that.

5\. We should be friends before anything else. I don’t think I can take more than that right now, and I think it would be good for us to start again. 

6\. I will be taking you up on the offer to call in the middle of the night as long as you promise to do the same if you can’t sleep.

7\. Thank you for telling me I’ll be okay. Sometimes I need to hear it from someone else to believe it a little.

8\. Write back if you want to come over and have dinner soon. As friends. With lots of talking. 

Love, Alex

Michael showed up to his airstream, exhausted after working for too long without stopping. He saw the letter, again taped to his door, and his exhaustion slipped away. He carefully pulled the tape off and read it, still standing in front of his door. After making and eating dinner he sat down with his own pen and piece of paper. 

Alex,

1\. I think starting lists with I love you’s is very smart. I also love you. You also know this. 

2\. I think I’ll always be a little bit sorry for a lot of things. I know it’s not helpful, but it’s what I feel. I’ll always have that little bit of regret (I don’t know if that’s the right word, but I can’t find a better one and I want to give this to you tonight) for letting you leave, for not asking you to stay, for everything that happened. 

3\. I hope it won’t ever be me that makes you feel not okay. But I’m sorry (again, unhelpful) your brain is mean to you. We can work on that. I know you’re probably already doing that. Anything I can do to help, just let me know. 

4\. This is new information, and it makes my heart twist in a good way. You are my safe place too, my heart home planet. 

5\. I would love to be your friend. Starting again sounds good. It sounds smart, and we have to be smart if we want this to last. And Alex, I want it to last. We have to last this time. I don’t know if the universe will give us another chance. 

6\. Deal. Easiest deal I’ve ever made.

7\. You will be okay. I will say it as many times as you need to hear it and write it as many times as you need to read it. I will say it until your brain knows it, and even then, I will keep saying it anyways. 

8\. Dinner, as friends, with talking. Yes, a hundred times yes. I work mornings usually so just let me know what day works for you and I’ll make it work for me. 

Love, Michael

Alex saw the letter the same night he left his at Michael’s. He was already in bed, half asleep, but he heard something on his front porch and his anxiety went through the roof. He had to take a few deep breaths to remember his dad was dead and he was safe. The noise went away, but Alex couldn’t sleep until he looked outside. He saw another letter in the same spot as Michael’s first. Michael was nowhere to be seen.

He read the letter balancing on his crutches on his porch. He thought there were too many sorry’s, but he couldn’t argue with a piece of paper. He thought maybe that was the point. It had been his point first. With a sigh, he went back inside. 

He didn’t know how to respond to this letter. It felt like they were about to take a step into the real world, outside of left letters and middle of the night phone calls. They had each called each other once, talking for only a few minutes after a particularly bad nightmare for Alex and a very long day for Michael. But entering the world in daytime, in person, even as just friends, was terrifying. Alex desperately needed this to last. He didn’t think there would be a next time, so this time had to work. It settled something in Alex’s heart that Michael knew it too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A third set of lists, started by Michael, featuring three lines of dialogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have plans for this to be five chapters, but they won't be as list focused as the first few. 
> 
> This chapter is also a little longer than the first two because of its ending (no spoilers, it's not that long).

Michael left the letter at night. Maybe Alex had missed it in the morning, maybe the wind blew it away, maybe it was ruined by the rain, maybe it didn’t warrant a response. Maybe Alex needed more time before having dinner, even though he was the one who offered first. Maybe maybe maybe. These were all of the reasons Alex hadn’t responded after a whole week, Michael was sure of it. These played through Michael’s head like a loop while he worked on cars, had dinner with Isobel, finished an unsuccessful experiment with Liz. The maybe of it all was killing him, and exactly ten days after he left the letter under Alex’s doormat, he left another. 

Alex,

1\. I love you. This is how I will start everything I will ever write you, I promise.

2\. I hope you got my letter, I left it late, so maybe it got washed away, but I think and hope you read it.

3\. If you didn’t, the gist of it was this: I’ll probably always be a little sorry for some things. You are my safe place too. I think being your friend sounds good because we have to be smart this time, less impulsive. And dinner is definitely something I want to do with you, with all the talking.

4\. Thank you for trusting me with your nightmare and with the importance that is a three a.m. phone call. 

5\. When I said I wanted to be friends, I meant it. I meant it as a starting place for whatever we become, but I also meant it as in I want to be in your life in whatever way you will have me for as long as I can. I didn’t mean to limit us to friends, and I didn’t mean to pressure you for more. 

6\. We have to be smart if we want this to last, I stand by that. 

7\. I don’t think the universe cares enough about us that we only get one more chance. I just think that there has been so much between us… I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. 

8\. Just remember that we’re cosmic.

9\. I was thinking of cooking dinner for you sometime this week. Unfortunately this requires a kitchen I do not have. Would you be open to having dinner at your place?

Love, Michael 

PS. (Let’s call this number 10? Maybe?)  
I miss you, I might have to call you in the middle of the night if I don’t get a list soon. Let’s call that a last resort. Please write back. 

Alex tried to focus at work, he really did, but he had the newest list from Michael, unread, burning a hole in his pocket. He had seen it on his way out the door, recognized it instantly, and knew he needed coffee before reading it. But he’d gotten to the base and been pulled in six different directions and barely had time to finish his first cup. So he was stuck in limbo, focusing on the texture of the paper while trying to write… something he should probably look at before sending to his boss. With a halfhearted excuse, he took an early lunch, figuring whatever he was working on could wait until his head was clearer. He only hoped the letter wouldn’t put him in a worse mood. 

It didn’t. He started drafting his reply in his head instantly. His brain was trying to write number seven, still trying to wrap his head around Michael’s words. Alex kept getting stuck, he kept thinking what if too much had happened? What if they had used their last chance and neither of them realized it? What if the universe cared a little too much? 

After half a lunch break spent only vaguely panicking, he decided to compartmentalize. Michael and lists go into a box in the back of his brain, work stays front and center for the next four hours. It mostly worked. 

Once he got home, Alex allowed himself to overthink for twenty minutes before pulling himself together and writing his third list.

Michael,

1\. I love you.

2\. I read your letter.

3\. I read it the night you left it. I heard you leave it, but you were already gone by the time I checked. I’m sorry I didn’t answer sooner.

4\. I trust you with everything, always, even though sometimes I shouldn’t. But thank you for trusting me too.

5\. Somehow I knew you meant all that. I want to be friends to start, but I think we will end up together. I don’t know what that makes us.

6\. Agreed. The only way this works is if we use our brains better. 

7\. I selfishly hope the universe cares about us a little bit. But you might be right, there’s been so much. I hope it has not been too much. I hope we are not too much. I hope that we can prove the universe wrong if it’s against us and prove it right if it’s on our side. 

8\. Cosmic. We’re a lot of things, and cosmic is definitely one of them. 

9\. Does Thursday work? I’ll be home at five.

Love, Alex

PS. (Definitely number 10)  
I miss you too. I’m sorry I took so long to write back, it was not your fault. It felt like the next list might be our last before we had a conversation and a conversation is still sometimes a war for me. I’m working on it, and I hope we can work on it together. 

Alex got in his car before he lost his nerve. The drive was painfully slow. He pulled into the junkyard and saw Michael. 

Michael, with his hands deep in a car and hair shining in the sun like it could guide you home from outer space. Alex took a breath, and then another; and he was on his sixth controlled breath when he was noticed. Michael waved him over, a hesitant smile on his face. Alex plastered on his own small smile to hide his nerves. Did seeing Michael defeat the purpose of his list? Should he even give him the list now? Still, he grabbed it when he got out of his car.

“Is that what I think it is?”

All Alex could do was nod. He held out his list, afraid Michael would make him read it out loud or not take it or…

“Stop overthinking, Alex. I’ll take it, and I’ll read it, and I’ll write another one. Breathe,” He said it gently but didn’t leave room for argument. 

It let Alex breathe. It also gave him a tiny bit of courage, not a lot, definitely not as much as he would have liked, but enough to respond.

“Read it by Thursday.” 

Michael was holding the letter carefully, his hands still dirty from work. By the time Michael wiped his hands and grabbed the list from the chair he’d put it on, Alex was driving away, heart in his throat.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have dinner! They read their lists out loud!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was definitely in a slump and I still am not 100% happy with this chapter, but it's the best version I have so, here it is. It's also longer than the other chapters by... a lot ?

Alex had been waiting for Thursday since he’d seen Michael at the junkyard. There had been one late night phone call of the nightmare variety on Tuesday. Alex left Wednesday as the buffer and woke up full of nerves on Thursday. He waited for Michael on the front porch because it was better than pacing his living room with anxiety. Michael’s truck pulled in at exactly five. Alex stood up. 

He had a small list in his hands. It was four items long. These were things he needed to get past in order to be good for Michael, for Michael to be good for him, in order to have a good relationship. And god, he wanted a good relationship with Michael. But he wanted dinner first, and he wasn’t going to blow it up with this piece of paper, so he shoved it carefully into his pocket.

“If I’d known you were waiting for me, I would’ve come sooner. I spent the last fifteen minutes driving in circles.” 

Michael always said things Alex couldn’t respond to. Always made dramatic declarations. This was more quiet admittance, but still. It made Alex’s heart beat a little faster. 

“I wasn’t waiting long,” were the words Alex ended up choosing. 

Michael just nodded, grabbing the groceries from his truck. 

“You know I have food here.” 

“I wanted to cook. I didn’t know what you had, so...” Michael trailed off. 

“So you brought the whole grocery store?” Alex teased, trying to ease Michael’s discomfort. 

It was vaguely awkward between them. Dinner felt eerily similar to a date if either of them had been brave enough to call it that. 

“I appreciate it. Really,” Alex said quietly. 

Michael cooked quickly, Alex watching from the table. It was sickeningly domestic, he thought, watching Michael become so at home in his kitchen so easily. He loved it. Loved the way he hummed and the way he asked about Alex’s day like he actually wanted the answer. They slipped into something easier than the awkwardness from outside. Alex couldn’t pinpoint the moment it changed, but with Michael’s mind focused on cooking, it let the rest of him relax. 

They ate dinner in relative silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was nice. Nicer than either of them had ever known silence to be. Once they were sufficiently full, Michael used his powers to wash the dishes from the table. 

“You don’t have to do the dishes,” Alex started to protest, but by the time he was done talking they were already done. 

“Too late.” 

“Next time, I cook and I do the dishes. Nonnegotiable, sorry.” 

At the mention of a next time, Michael’s face lit up. He tried to hide it, but Alex was Alex. Alex was tuned in to every micro expression Michael made, every tone he used, everything he did. 

After a beat of silence, still comfortable but a little heavier, Alex spoke. 

“So, um, I have a list for you. It’s, it’s things I think we have to work on or talk about before we-” He stopped. 

“Before we get past being friends?” Michael asked quietly. 

Alex nodded, barely meeting his eyes. 

“Can I write one here? Now?” 

Alex blinked in surprise. He should have thought of that, of them writing lists together. Instead, he nodded. 

“Yeah of course, let me go grab a pen and paper.” 

He walked over to his desk, begging his face to look normal and like watching Michael write his list wasn’t going to wreck him inside.

Michael was tapping the pen against the table before he started to write. Alex looked at Michael’s face as he wrote. The way his eyes reread every line he wrote as he wrote the next one, the way he scribbled out a line or two with a sigh. 

“How many drafts of these letters did you write?” Alex had to ask; the letters he received never had eraser marks or crossed out words like this one. 

Michael looked up, startled, like he had forgotten Alex was there. 

“At least two. Usually three or four. I just wanted to make sure everything was right. Make sure you couldn’t misunderstand what I was trying to tell you.” 

“I always wrote these lists in my head for a day before writing them down. I think I have them memorized at this point,” Alex offered up, trying to ease Michael’s discomfort with his own admission. 

Twenty minutes passed in silence with the occasional sound of a scribble from Michael or a little hum from Alex as he doodled on his own paper. 

“We should read them out loud,” Michael declared when he finished. 

Alex’s eyes widened. It sounded like a challenge but one he would take on willingly. 

“Not without alcohol.” 

Michael pretended to contemplate, and then pulled out a bottle of whiskey, “Fair enough. You wanna go first?” 

“Only if I get to drink first.”

They both drank, and Alex suggested they switch off. Michael agreed. 

“Okay, one,” Alex let out a deep, dramatic sigh, “Number one: I love you. I always have, you know that. Your turn.” 

Michael grinned, “One. I love you. Even when it’s been hard or hurts or it seems like I don’t. Even when I wish I didn’t. I love you. I always have, and I always will.” 

Alex took another drink, nodded quickly. 

“Two. The Past. Capital letters,” Alex showed the letter briefly and then continued without looking at Michael, “Our all encompassing traumatic, cosmic, sometimes really bad past,” Another deep breath, “We have to stop blaming ourselves and each other for things we did. We both hurt and we both got hurt.” 

He heard a noise from Michael, looked up to see almost silent tears tracking down his face. Alex wanted to reach up and wipe them away, and then he remembered he probably could. He put down his list and used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe up Michael’s face. And if Alex held his face for a few seconds after his eyes were dry, neither of them mentioned it. 

“We both hurt and got hurt,” Alex repeated, picking up his list, “But we’ll be better this time. We’ll stop picking at the past like it’s an old scab. We get better by focusing on the future. Together.” 

He finished quietly, almost whispering the last word. Michael nodded and took a deep breath, trying not to cry again. 

“My two was Maria. Um,” He cleared his throat, not sure if he could keep talking, but Alex didn’t stop him so he continued awkwardly, “It was unfair to you. I knew I just wanted something easy, something separate from the alien drama, and you were so tied into that even though it obviously wasn’t your fault,” He kept careful watch on Alex’s face, but he gave nothing away; Michael kept going, “She seemed like the opposite, like something that wouldn’t cause pain. But I was wrong because it caused you pain. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t handle anything real then. I’m sorry I picked your best friend. I’m so sorry for all of it.” 

Of course it was Alex’s turn to cry. And of course it was Michael’s turn to wipe his tears. Alex didn’t know how to respond without his voice cracking so he decided not to say anything for the moment. Silence stretched between them, Michael holding Alex’s face in his hands like he was the entire world. 

Finally Alex spoke, “Thank you. I know it wasn’t all your fault, but I accept your apology. Can we,” He hesitated, “Can we maybe put Maria with the past and just focus on the future instead? Since you’ve apologized, it seems like it would only hurt more to keep talking about it.” 

Michael nodded, making a look that said he was mad at himself for hurting Alex in the first place, but they both took another shot of whiskey, trying to get through this. 

“Three, sex. We gotta stop using it to distract from our problems. I think that’s why this list thing has been good. We can’t distract each other with the physical stuff if we’re reading a piece of paper.” 

Michael nodded, looking at his own list, taking another shot. 

“Three, we have to communicate,” Michael said quietly, “We have to stop using sex as a way to not talk to each other,” He smirked at Alex, like their brains were on the same wavelength. 

“Genius, if only someone said that already,” Alex joked, but nodded and took another shot too. 

“Well, I guess whoever said that earlier must also be pretty smart. Maybe not a genius but,” Michael laughed, the alcohol making him feel looser. 

They both forgot about crying from their second item on the list and instead fell into a flirty banter. It was only when Alex reached for another shot and Michael handed him water that he realized there was another thing to say. 

“Oh! Number four. I forgot,” Alex giggled, but it sounded sad. 

He drank the water and tried to blink the alcohol out of his system. Michael just sat there, more than content to let Alex take his time. It paid off when he started speaking, sounding more sober than Michael felt. 

“Four is kind of more about me than you, but I think it could apply to both of us?” Alex was speaking softer than Michael expected, but he just reached his hands down to hold his and they fit together like they always had, “I, we, have to believe that we’re deserving of this love. Because I know that you are, deserving of love and of this one in particular. But sometimes my brain tells me I don’t deserve you, or love at all. And I know you think the same, at least sometimes. So if we both just, maybe, believe it for each other until we believe it for ourselves?”

It was the most words Alex had spoken at once this whole dinner, and it nearly broke Michael’s heart because he wasn’t wrong. Alex was not wrong, and he hated it. 

“Four,” Michael choked out, “You have to believe me when I say I love you. Alex, that’s literally all I wrote. I just want you to believe that I am here, that I am not going anywhere without you. I need you to know how much I love you, how important you are, I just, fuck-” 

Tears spilled over, and Alex took this opportunity to stand and move closer to Michael. He wrapped Michael in a hug, cradling him as he tried to keep talking, but Alex just shushed him, kissing the top of his head. 

Alex knew in his bones that Michael loved him. He didn’t know how much he deserved that, but he had Michael’s love and if he did anything but hang on as tight as he could...

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay, Michael,” Michael looked up to Alex at the use of his first name, “Michael, I know. I know it, I know how much you love me. It’s too much, but I know. And I love you back too much also.” 

They were both crying now, too drunk to keep talking. It was an unspoken understanding that Michael was staying over, and they stumbled to the bedroom. 

“Number three! No sex! Also, too drunk, too sad, no sex.” 

Alex made a halfhearted declaration, but Michael nodded. Alex took off his leg while Michael stripped to his boxers, and they both climbed into bed.

“Can I, maybe, can we hold each other?” It was surprisingly Michael who asked, but Alex just moved closer in response. 

They fell asleep curled around each other, relieved that they had gotten through their lists, that they still loved each other, that things seemed like they would be okay, maybe even good.


	5. One Year Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year later, featuring a proposal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! The end! I usually don’t write things with chapters, but I enjoyed this and hope you did too. 
> 
> Also, I am a sucker for a ring made from the spaceship (or some other alien tech, etc.) but I’ve definitely read it in other fics, so I’m not trying to take credit for the idea in any way. I just love the concept.

“If you look at list number nine, you’ll see that we should get Chinese food instead of pizza. I’ll even accept the Crashdown as long as we get it to go, but,” Michael breathed out a sigh, “I refuse to eat pizza again.” 

He grabbed the ninth list from its spot on the fridge and showed it to Alex: "Ten Reasons Why We Should Order Chinese Food." And written smaller, like it was shoved in as an afterthought, in parentheses, it said "And not pizza." Alex just smiled, knowing he’d give in to Michael.

They had continued their list writing even after getting back together, but they hadn’t all been as heavy as their first few. After Michael moved in and saw Alex’s less than stellar movie collection, he wrote "Eighteen Movies You Need To See Yesterday." Alex retaliated with "Nineteen Albums You Absolutely Have To Listen To." There were still a few sentimental ones, obviously, like Michael’s "Reasons Why I Love You" (delivered on Valentine’s Day with a box of Alex’s favorite candy) and Alex’s "Why I Think You Should Move In" that was dropped off at the airstream with a key to Alex’s house. 

After they ate their Chinese food, Michael reached behind the couch to pull out a box Alex had noticed when he got home. He had ultimately chosen to ignore the box earlier in favor of kissing Michael because kissing Michael was something he got to do now, and even after a year of kissing him, it still surprised him that he was allowed this. 

“So, I wanted to do this on an important date. Like maybe a birthday or anniversary or something to make it special. But then I thought about how much time we’d wasted and I couldn’t wait.”

Michael looked nervous, and his voice shook, and Alex looked at the box like it was going to explode. It couldn’t be a ring; the box was the size of a shoebox. Alex just waited, trying to figure out what was happening. Michael held the box to Alex, nodding for him to open it. Alex did, and he nearly fell over. His eyes started filling with tears, but he didn’t let them fall. 

It was all of their letters, including the ones from Michael that Alex had stored in his desk drawer. He looked up, trying to put pieces together that weren’t there. 

Michael pulled out another piece of paper from his pocket. He took a deep breath. 

“I wrote this list last night, but the idea behind it? It’s always been in my head, always. And I want to read it to you, if you’ll let me.”

Alex was still confused, but he could only bring himself to nod. 

“One, I love you. I’ve loved you since the day I met you and I will love you until the day I don’t exist anymore. Two, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. If you don’t believe me, check list thirteen for proof.”

Michael looked up when he heard Alex searching through the box for the thirteenth list. It was just titled "You Are Good." It was a list of every good thing about Alex, of every time he had done something nice for anyone that Michael had been a witness to or known about; it was everything that Michael thought was good about him. 

“Michael, I don’t-“ Alex’s throat closed up and he cleared it, “What’s happening right now? Why give me these letters? Why try to make me cry?” His voice broke on nearly every word as tears fell easily. 

Michael reached out to give Alex the letter he was reading from and said, “Don’t worry, I have it memorized.”

Alex let out a small gasp as he skipped a few numbers ahead. 

“Three, you are the love of my life, of all the lives that I will ever have. It will be you in every life, every timeline, every universe, every galaxy. Four,” Michael took a huge breath before kneeling besides the couch and pulling a much smaller box from his pocket, “Four… Marry me?” 

Alex immediately dropped down next to him, ignoring the way his leg twisted in protest. He had to get closer to the ring Michael held in his hand. It was made of the spaceship, Alex was sure of it. It shimmered and glowed like it was being powered by Michael. He stared in awe, first at the ring and then at Michael. 

When Alex didn’t respond, Michael spoke again, this time in a whisper, “P.S. I would write a list of all the reasons you should say yes, but I think all our lists say it better than I could right now.”

“Yes,” Alex finally breathed out after what felt like forever, “Yes, yes, yes. You don’t need any list to give me reasons. It’s never been a question in my mind, it’s always just been this answer. Yes.”

“Really?” Michael seemed almost surprised, like his disbelief had suddenly overpowered how nervous he’d been. 

“In every life, every timeline, every universe, every galaxy,” He quotes Michael’s own words, but doesn’t even need to look down at the letter, “You are it for me too, Michael. No questions, no doubts. It’s been you in every life I’ve had before this one, and it will be you in every one I have after.”

Alex held Michael’s face between his hands, thinking his whole universe was right here, thinking that this was all he needed. Michael’s eyes were shining back at him like the sun was trying to tell him something he already knew.


End file.
